Spoons & Satellites

This is a personal blog. This is a history of my history. This is usually a story about the desert. Sometimes the desert is LA. Sometimes the desert is Colorado. Sometimes the desert is Utah. Sometimes the desert is anywhere that I am that feels like a desert. Sometimes this isn't about the desert at all and instead it is about love and adventure and art and nostalgia. Sometimes this space is professional and sometimes it is professional in a way that isn't professional but that accords with my chosen professional identity, which is one of indiscretion.

some kind of grace

Instead of doing a whole long blog post to recap my year (which I usually do mostly for the sake of my own obsessive record keeping and reflection on my own life), I’m going to tell you how deeply and terribly depressed I was one year ago today, and how I made it from that moment to this one, from…

all we know is what would be our home

On the precipice of entering my twenties over ten years ago, I wrote in my journal: I am 20 years old in eight minutes, and I love everything. I’ve been trying to write something about turning 30 for weeks now but all that comes out is recitations. Recitations of my work history, my romantic history, the history of every album I’ve…

I Am Deliberate And Afraid Of Nothing

There’s something I really love about the last day of a year. It’s such an interesting moment where I feel I can look backward and forward in equal measure, remembering the year that passed, imagining the year to come. This year I am particularly grateful for this last day because I am beyond ready to say goodbye to 2017. Last…

Notes from the Resistance, pt. 1

TL;DR– If you read nothing else in this post, just please, please VOTE in any and all local elections and upcoming elections. That is the best recommendation I can give you for how to resist. Los Angeles has an election coming up on March 7th. The LA Times always has recommendations, but do some research. Maybe skip the time you’d spend…

Just, Like, All the 2016 Lists

Every week since mid-October, I read my horoscope from Chani Nicholas for three reasons: 1) She is a badass queer activist astrologer, so I know we see the world with the same eyes, 2) I’ve become fairly obsessed with astrology, crystals, sound baths, lunar cycles, anything that makes me feel more connected to the larger universe, to the ground below…

Contending with the Overwhlem

Ever since the election, when I talk to my friends, neighbors, colleagues, brother, mother, strangers, etc etc etc, I get such a severe sense of overwhelm. This is something I feel, too. There are too many vulnerable people and communities. Our grief is so heavy. Our shock reverberates again and again {though for some of us this is less about…

coping & coping & trying to cope

When I wake up every morning now and curl back into the darkness that laid me to rest the night before, it is so that I might return to the spaces inside me where I have been most hurt. Last Tuesday, when the world fell away from me, from us, I distinctly remembered collapsing into my mother’s arms at the…

Why I Am Not Choosing Empathy

Out in this desert, I am in Trump country. Joshua Tree itself is fairly liberal and even a bit diverse {we’ve got a very small but solid POC and queer community, as far as I can tell}. But the two towns that flank us, Twentynine Palms and Yucca Valley, are littered with Trump/Pence signs. On election day, I went to…