Spoons & Satellites

This is a personal blog. This is a history of my history. This is usually a story about the desert. Sometimes the desert is LA. Sometimes the desert is Colorado. Sometimes the desert is Utah. Sometimes the desert is anywhere that I am that feels like a desert. Sometimes this isn't about the desert at all and instead it is about love and adventure and art and nostalgia. Sometimes this space is professional and sometimes it is professional in a way that isn't professional but that accords with my chosen professional identity, which is one of indiscretion.

Contending with the Overwhlem

Ever since the election, when I talk to my friends, neighbors, colleagues, brother, mother, strangers, etc etc etc, I get such a severe sense of overwhelm. This is something I feel, too. There are too many vulnerable people and communities. Our grief is so heavy. Our shock reverberates again and again {though for some of us this is less about…

coping & coping & trying to cope

When I wake up every morning now and curl back into the darkness that laid me to rest the night before, it is so that I might return to the spaces inside me where I have been most hurt. Last Tuesday, when the world fell away from me, from us, I distinctly remembered collapsing into my mother’s arms at the…

Why I Am Not Choosing Empathy

Out in this desert, I am in Trump country. Joshua Tree itself is fairly liberal and even a bit diverse {we’ve got a very small but solid POC and queer community, as far as I can tell}. But the two towns that flank us, Twentynine Palms and Yucca Valley, are littered with Trump/Pence signs. On election day, I went to…

That’s Why We Came Here

I think often about that Jonathan Safran Foer quote: Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living. I, like most of my friends and loved ones, have a lot of projects and lives I want to pursue, but limited time in a day, and a need for a stable income to…

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A Decade of September 12ths

A friend of mine made fun of me recently for making everything into an anniversary. I don’t think this is my fault. Facebook is always reminding me, On This Day. Instagram has created so many hashtag holidays I swear it is always National Something I Love Day {Dog, Donuts, Ice Cream, Best Friends, Siblings, &c &c &c}. I live in…

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The End of Being 27

This week I turn 28 years old, but I’m not quite ready to let go of 27 yet. 27 has always been my favorite number, and I had a feeling for a long time that my 27th year would be an important one. Indeed, that has turned out to be true in ways I could never have imagined. I turned…

The Beginning is Near

It’s been awhile. I think this is because I was sad for a few months. It is much harder for me to write when I am sad. I’m not even entirely sure what I’ve been doing with my time. Where it’s gone. What hole it slipped into and never came out of. A friend of mine often makes jokes about…