Ever since what I will from here on out refer to as “the incident at my apartment building” last week, I’ve been searching for stillness and peace. But all I’ve found is anxiety. Anxiety about my students. Anxiety about not going to every single event in my department. Anxiety about impending responses from PhD programs. Anxiety about two of the people I love traveling all the way to the other side of the world where I can’t protect them. Anxiety about my anxiety.
Yesterday was the first day in awhile that I found stillness again. As usual, it happened in yoga, but this time I was able to carry it with me after class. Today I found it in these designer medicine packages. [Normal medicine like ibuprofen and diphenhydramine, but packaged for simplicity.] Also, they have the BEST website of all time.
And in buying Valentine’s Day candy for my students. Just because you’re in college doesn’t mean you don’t like Valentine’s candy.
And in the ever present weirdness that is this neighborhood of mine. A neighborhood that I love for aesthetic purposes but that I hate in every other way.
And in this article about writing in the digital age that, though not all that nuanced or original, still speaks to that which I intend to pursue for the rest of my life. [I have a folder in my bookmarks called “digital/analog” where I store all the articles I come across concerning this issue.]
And now in painting my nails gray and writing about Zukofsy’s “A-7.”